Friday, December 13, 2019

Response to "Mothers Need Separation from their Children to Grow?"

       If we needed any more evidence that Lori is full of contradictions and can’t even get her own story straight, her most recent blog will do just fine. The first and second half sound like they’re written by two different people engaged in debate. 


A young mother wrote this recently on her Instagram: “I feel sorry for any mother who can’t get a break from their children. Having your kids 24/7 does NOT make you a great mother. It destroys you mentally, you need separation to grow.” Not one thing about this statement is biblical, women. I shared this on my Instagram and women asked me if I would write about this since the mindset of “mom needs her own time/getaway” is very strong in our culture.

Any mentally-healthy parent who is not fanatical knows the importance of getting a break. It simply cannot be denied that it is unhealthy to do something literally 24/7 without a break, to the point that I don’t even feel like bothering to argue with Lori about it (though, as I hinted above, she does a wonderful job of arguing against herself later). For now, though, the main statement above that catches my eye is that there is “nothing biblical” about this. Lori can’t make up her mind: sometimes, women have freedom to do something as long as the Bible doesn’t specifically forbid it; other times, women are not permitted to do anything unless it’s specifically allowed or commanded in the Bible. Lori flips between these without shame (and probably without even noticing), based entirely on which position would support the point she’s trying to make currently. 

       In fact, a comment on her Facebook page regarding this blog illustrates this nicely. Someone said “Show me where in the Bible it says a mother has to be with her kids 24/7 and never get a break?” This is a reasonable question considering Lori’s constant insistence that everything she teaches is biblical. But Lori simply snapped back, “Right after you show me verses that tell us that mothers need breaks from their children for their emotional health and in order to grow.” She admits she has no biblical support, but implies she doesn’t need it, while in the same sentence demanding that someone else’s statement is invalid without biblical support! (by the way, this brief exchange was screenshotted by the Facebook page “Things Godly Women Say”, which covers Lori frequently. If you haven’t checked them out I suggest you do!). 


You see, young mothers, God has given you the power to raise happy, secure, and emotionally stable children or unhappy, insecure and emotionally unstable children. It depends upon how you raise them. I’m not telling you this to put a guilt trip upon you but to help you realize the importance of being a mother. God wants you to raise your children in the nurture and the admonition of the Lord and He wants you to protect them from this wicked generation.

It wouldn’t be a Lori Alexander blog without fear being used as a weapon at some point. Here she subtly makes the sinister suggestion that any mother who is not with her children 24/7 will raise unhappy, insecure, and emotionally unstable children! She even claims she is not trying to put a guilt trip on anyone. Sadly, I’m fairly convinced Lori’s entire understanding (or lack of understanding) of Christianity is centered on guilt and shame. 

        Then, after talking briefly about how hard it was for her to raise her kids, but that it was so worthwhile, she says this: 


I was with them pretty much 24/7 and I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way.

She has said “24/7” several times and criticized mothers for wanting even a little time to themselves. Am I missing anything? Is any of this ambiguous? I’m sure you’ll agree that this is what she is saying. But then something happens and she completely forgets everything she just wrote: 


Your constant presence in your children’s lives is the greatest gift you can give your children. One thing I do want to encourage you about is that you need to make sure your children know that you are the authority in your home, not them. My children went to bed early so I could have some alone time and with my husband. They were in their rooms an hour or so in the afternoon for naps or rest so I could rest. It’s okay to want to have some alone time and be able to study God’s Word (spending time in His Word is how you will actually grow!), rest, or do what you enjoy doing. There’s nothing wrong with this and it helps recharge your batteries, but don’t be upset if it doesn’t always happen due to sickness or other things.

So, what exactly is Lori trying to say in this blog? Initially she seemed to allow no exceptions whatsoever and demanded that mothers literally never leave their childrens’ sides like like a deranged vulture, but then she turns around and allows for exactly those types of breaks she condemned as being “unbiblical.” Of course, this is no big mystery; she finds “exceptions” for exactly those things that she herself did! What a surprise! Perhaps she simply needed to find someone/something to criticize, so she used that tone in the first half, but then wanted to appear reasonable in the second half to preempt the critics. Ultimately, it’s just more of the same sad, confused gibberish. 

       Mothers, don’t ever feel bad for needing a break. You’ve earned it, but it’s also better for your children and husband as well. Husbands and wives need time to themselves to maintain and build their relationship; if they don’t have a strong marriage, this will ultimately harm the children. Though Lori doesn’t want you to believe it, there is a middle ground between obsessively hovering over your children 24/7 and abandoning them entirely. Never feel bad about doing what you need to take care of yourself, and you will be a more positive influence on those around you. After all, people on planes are instructed to put on their own oxygen mask first and then assist the person next to them! 


Link to the original blog: https://thetransformedwife.com/mothers-need-separation-from-their-children-to-grow/

4 comments:

  1. She has become harsher with her tone and teaching over the last couple of years.

    On a 2015 post she states that moms do need breaks.

    "You need quiet time. You need peace."

    She talks about how she put her kids in quiet time from 1-3 every day so she could rest. And, the kids were in bed at 7:30 or 8 every night.

    http://lorialexander.blogspot.com/2015/05/when-do-mothers-get-break.html

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    1. Thank you for sharing that! I honestly believe she doesn't even notice anymore how contradictory she is. Something comes to mind and sounds sufficiently judgmental , and she just says it.

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  2. I love your blog! I wrote a response on hers yesterday and, of course, it wasn't published. She has me blocked on all social media for politely disagreeing or asking simple questions. Very thin skinned. And, I believe, mentally unstable.
    She proudly states she never played with her children and felt discipline was the most important thing she could offer them as they grew up. Hardly nurturing as she "commands" mothers to be.
    She also states she often babysits her granchildren. Even overnight. I asked, which is it? 24/7 or overnight breaks? (I knew she'd never publish, but she had to read it to determine not to publish.) When her 8 year old grand daughter spent the night and cried for her mommy and daddy, she told us she scolded her. The contradictions are rampant!
    I think she had an unloving father and is miserable and mentally unbalanced. But I also think she is very dangerous for those who blindly follow her. Ken is afraid of her and tip toes around her. I'm sure she's like a loaded gun, ready to off in a hot second.
    Thanks for providing a place to discuss someone who has created a cult that could be devastating effect on a lot of women.

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    1. Thank you for your comment! I agree with your points. She doesn't even bother being consistent and simply attacks whatever comes to mind on a particular day.

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