Response to "Are You Worthy of the Entire Fairy Tale?"

        Most of Lori's blog posts can be summarize by "Today, Lori Alexander is offended by _____." In this blog, she gripes about an Instagram post. I'm not sure who posted it, but Lori makes sure to tell us it is a woman who has a large following. Jealous, by chance? 

       The post is long, so I won't reproduce it in its entirety. Basically, it tells women they are worthy of flowers, bubble baths, candles, and a man who loves them as Christ loves the church. It concludes by telling women they are worthy of "the entire fairy tale."   

       Now, I have to be honest, I find such things to be rather cheesy, though if anyone is genuinely encouraged by such a message, that's great! But Lori's problem with it seems to be that it has the potential to cause anyone happiness. She must crush that possibility at once! 

Unfortunately, there are many women telling women these untruths these days. This only sets women up for unrealistic expectations and failed marriages. We are worthy of nothing, actually. Only Jesus Christ is worthy. He is the One who makes us worthy by clothing us with Christ’s righteousness, filling us with His Spirit, and making us new creatures in Christ who can do all things through Christ who strengthens us. He then gives us everything we need for life and godliness.

I think Lori is mixing up the Gospel here. I agree, we are not worthy of God's grace, which is exactly why it is called grace. With all my imperfections, I am reminded daily that I fall short of God's perfection, and grateful that He loves me anyway. But Lori seems to take this a step further and assume we don't deserve anything from anyone. It is God's grace that we do not deserve - this does not mean that other people do not owe it to us to treat us with respect and dignity. Lori seems to think we should not even expect people to treat us well. This has nothing to do with the Gospel. 

How about asking women if they are making themselves worthy by becoming godly women? They certainly aren’t worthy of anything simply for existing and being women.

And yet, Lori thinks men are worthy of being honored, obeyed, reverenced, and practically worshiped simply for existing and being men. Yes, I do think existing is enough reason to treat someone kindly, and I disagree with Lori that we must earn even the right to be treated well. 

Are they working on being kind and loving? Are they working on showing grace and forgiveness to others? Are they working on becoming feminine women of God with meek and quiet spirits? These are what younger women need to be hearing from older women, not that they are worthy of a fairytale marriage without any responsibility of their own.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but it sounds to me like Lori is saying women are unlovable unless they earn love by conforming to her view of what it means to be "feminine." And let me point out that the original Instagram post said nothing about having a fairy tale marriage with no responsibility of their own. She added this point herself. Ironically, it's Lori who believes men deserve a fairy tale marriage, complete with a maid and cook who has sex on demand!

Also, who is to determine if a man loves his wife as Christ loves the Church? Is it the wife? I did this for a long time. I expected my husband to love me regardless of how I treated him. It never worked. Until I gave up this expectation and worked on myself alone did I find our marriage improving dramatically.

If I want to know how to love my wife better, who do I ask? MY WIFE. Seems pretty simple to me. 

       And isn't it interesting that Ken just wrote a blog all about how love should be unconditional? Did Lori even read it? Now she is saying that there is no problem with a husband's love for his wife being conditional. She says she was wrong to expect his love, and had to fix herself first.This is just a glimpse into how sad Lori's life really must be. 

If he’s not romantic and doesn’t do all of these things listed above for you, it doesn’t matter. Flowers wilt, bubble baths get cold, candles burn out, and fairytales are only in movies, but a godly man is what you need to be looking for as you work on becoming a godly woman.

I'm glad she ends with this, because it's important for me to clarify what I'm saying. I'm certainly not saying that a husband who does not constantly spoil his wife doesn't love her. I must confess that being romantic like this does not come naturally to me at all; I try, but I fall far short of other husbands who are great at it. That's not my point. It's not about flowers, bubble baths, or candles. It's about a husband caring enough about his wife to try to show her how much he loves her. It's about not having double standards, expecting wives to pretty themselves up and smile and talk in a certain cutesy tone and pick up after their husbands and keep silent much of the time and cook only the meals he wants and everything else Lori thinks is demanded of women, while not even requiring a minimal level of respect and fair treatment from husbands. Keep in mind, Lori believes women do not deserve anything from their husbands. She uses such extreme trivial things as bubble baths and flowers (which, ironically, is what she constantly accuses her critics of doing), but if pressed, she would say the same regarding such things are respect and treatment with dignity.  

       The advice Lori is giving women, if followed, makes it much more difficult for them to find a husband who will actually love them, because they were told to have no expectations and made to feel selfish if they want affection of any kind. How would a woman following Lori's advice tell the difference between a man who will love her, and a man who literally cares nothing for her and simply wants a housekeeper and sex doll? They would not be able to distinguish between the two. And, I suspect, that's precisely the point. 

Link to the original blog: https://thetransformedwife.com/are-you-worthy-of-the-entire-fairytale/