Response to "Let's Stop Exalting Singleness"

     In this post (written jointly by Lori and her husband, Ken), we are told that marriage and producing offspring is God's design for us. Here and there they seem to acknowledge that it may be God's desire that some remain single, or that some are single even though they wish they weren't, but they fall short of positive affirmation of the choice to be single. 

     This is a long post, so I won't be able to address all of it. There are, however, a few points I would like to make. 

     I suspect their motive in writing this post is to protest the declaration that singleness is somehow superior to being married. But in doing so, they revert to the opposite extreme and heavily imply that marriage is superior to being single! Why not a middle ground, in which God has a will for each individual (for some marriage, for others singleness), and that neither is inherently or universally superior to the other? 

     As a side note, in response to Paul's statements about the advantages of remaining single in 1 Corinthians 7, it's particularly ironic that they remind us not to "build a theology based on a few verses." Complementarianism itself is based on only a handful of verses, most of which either have translational ambiguities or are snatched out of their context. But this is a digression, so I won't pursue it further. 

     My major contention with this post has to do with some comments made near the end. Here are the two closing paragraphs: 

"Marriage is God's design and it is GOOD! Singleness isn't His design. Yes, it happens even to those who would love to be married because we live in a fallen and imperfect world. There are very few who don't truly burn, never want to marry, and want to devote their lives to the Lord, so let's stop exalting singleness as many are doing. Far too many are staying single well into their thirties because they simply do not understand how they fit into GOd's plan for creating the family of God. And too many Christian parents are not taking the investments of their children God has given them seriously to deliver to Him someday soon as godly offspring. 

Marriage and bearing children take great sacrifice or maybe a better word is investment. Every moment of the day that we invest in our children and even grandchildren, we are multiplying the talents God has given to us and for this, there is a great reward that can only come from a godly marriage and family. Singleness is for a few, but it is marriage and family that accomplishes the plan of God for eternity." 

They state clearly that singleness is not God's design. I suspect they would deny that they are shaming those who are single (especially voluntarily single), and yet, how else are we to understand this comment? If singleness isn't God's design, this must mean those who are single are living in disobedience to God. Or, at the very least, they must be abandoning their greatest purpose in life and therefore must be failing in life to some extent. 

     The other sentence I would like to point out is the final one: "Singleness is for a few, but it is marriage and family that accomplishes the plan of God for eternity." Again, either this is simply very poorly communicated, or else they are suggesting anyone who is single (intentionally or not) is not accomplishing God's plan for eternity. 

     Fortunately, God judges each of us by His own standards, not by those of Lori and Ken. If He calls any of us to singleness, we certainly don't have to answer to Lori and Ken for it. On a personal level, since I got married I have come to understand Paul's comments about the advantages of singleness so much better. Marriage is a blessing in many ways, but it also necessarily involves less time spent in such things as ministry. I now urge unmarried people not to be in a hurry to get married, and instead to be sure to make the most of their time while single, doing things they may not be able to do once they're married. Singleness is absolutely a gift, and should not be belittled, especially for those God has called to it. 


Link to the original blog: https://thetransformedwife.com/lets-stop-exalting-singleness/