Lori writes no comments of her own, but simply shares a letter written to her by a man who wishes to remain anonymous. He begins by sharing that he and his wife had always had an egalitarian view of marriage, but over the years his views changed. He began to believe “A wife’s place is in the home” and “Wives should be keepers at home.” He claims this conclusion was based on his study of the Bible and godly preaching of the Word (though, of course, the biblical support for such ideas is thin to the point of nonexistence). He did not get these ideas from the Bible, but from the man-worshiping ideas of those who merely use the Bible to justify their sense of superiority.
“Unavoidably, this began creating conflict in the marriage when one of us has one view of marriage as an ordered hierarchy that God ordains for marriage, and the other thinks it’s a free-for-all.”
And notice his manipulative language. He calls his own ideas “God-ordained”, while the alternative is called a “free-for-all.” This is meant to scare us out of attempting equality in our own marriages. Those of us who are in egalitarian marriages are doing just fine, thank you very much. All it takes is some maturity and not thinking everything revolves around you.
He then shares his suspicion that she is planning to leave him:
“It came to a head when my wife decided that she was done with the whole arrangement and began preparing for her exit….I know that when the last of the kids are grown up and moved out, that’s when she is going to leave. I’ve confronted her on it a number of times, and while she’s never confirmed it, she’s also never denied it.”
“I’ve done all that is in my power to avoid it (including pastoral counselling numerous times even after she walked out of it), and made sure that I am doing what the Lord requires of me, which I can control without focusing on what the Lord requires of her, which I cannot control."
Hm. Have you tried not declaring yourself dictator for life? If not, you haven’t done all that is in your power. Also, notice how he claims he is simply “doing what the Lord requires of me.” How dare anyone challenge his position as dictator! GOD HIMSELF told him he gets to be the boss, and he’s just humbly following. Baloney.
"But ultimately, the power is not in my hands; it is in hers. If she is determined that she is going to leave, then there is nothing I can do to stop her. So, I focus on my relationship with the Lord and with my brothers and sisters in God’s family in the local church, and leave the rest of the matter in God’s hands. She abandoned our marital relationship almost seven years ago. This is pretty much permanent, as far as I can tell.”
Wow, look at the poor sad man who just wanted to rule unconditionally and his wife wouldn’t let him! No, she didn’t abandon the marriage, YOU did, when you declared yourself lord and her your serf.
He then shares that they have three adult children, two older teenagers with cars, jobs, and friends, and a 12 year old. It is the 12 year old he is concerned about in his letter, due to the following:
“My wife has decided that she is going to enroll in college and start working towards a medical degree. Without saying such, I know that this part of her “exodus” plan. And I’ve been supportive of it. Since I cannot change her behavior then if she’s going to leave, I at least want her to be able to provide for herself. I don’t want her living alone on minimum wage income into her old age. We are both in our fifties. So, I’m helping and supporting this, against counsel to do so. I’m being told by pastoral counselors that I am aiding and enabling her to sin. But, in the end, I really have her welfare at heart.”
Also, he goes so far out of his way to portray himself as the silent sufferer who only has everyone’s best interests at heart. Am I the only one who suspects he’s not being entirely honest?
He then shares what he calls “the final straw”:
“I live close enough to work that I can get home for lunch, so I often do. This day, Ben was the only one of our children home. My wife told me that she is leaving to go study with her “college study group” and that she will be leaving in about an hour. So, by roughly after noon, she’s gone and Ben is at home by himself. I don’t have a problem with that. He’s old enough to keep himself occupied for a few hours.”
“But when I finally finish work that evening, and got home at about 10:30 pm, I find the house is dark, and he is still home and completely alone. My wife is still at her “college study group” and Ben has been home alone all day long and all night long from a bit past noon all the way until 10:30 pm at night. I’m a bit peeved at this. That is an understatement. I am intensely angry. I understand going to a study group for a couple of hours, but this has been all day and long into the night with Ben home alone the whole time. It is one thing for her to abandon me. I am used to that, and I am equipped to deal with that but to abandon our children? That is the final straw.”
Abandon? He’s TWELVE. I think he’ll be fine.
“I ask him if he’s eaten anything, and he said, ‘No.’”
Wait...he doesn’t know how to FEED himself?!?
“About the same time that I get home, Ben’s older brother, who is about 30, shows up at the house with his girlfriend. And he’s brought some fast food that they picked up at a restaurant. And I sit there, watching Ben watch his brother eat. “Then Ben says to him, ‘Can I have any leftovers if there are any?’”
“And my heart just broke. It took all I had not to cry in front of him. I cannot express in words the grief I felt in knowing what had happened to him all that day while I was at work, unaware of what was happening to him at home. I spent hours at work, completely oblivious to what was happening to him at home because he was alone. I was heartbroken for him. I get home to a dark house, a hungry son, and a missing wife.”
*SNIFF* Oh, it’s so SAAAAAAD! “Heartbroken!” “Grief!” “It took all I had not to CRY!” “Unaware of what was happening to him!” Can you believe this guy? And it just gets worse!
“Here’s a 12 year old boy who has been home all day and all night, alone, basically begging table scraps from his own brother. Why? Because his mother has not been home all day and all night to even so much as prepare a meal for him because she’s out pursuing worldly ambitions with her “college study group.” I try my best to suppress my outright hostility towards this “college study group” that is so much more important to my wife than her own son, let alone her own husband. I’m a grown man, capable of handling such treachery. But a 12 year old boy?”
“Begging table scraps”?!?!?!? This is the best comedy I’ve ever read! Does this guy really think anyone will be fooled by his drama? (well, a quick reading of the comments reveals that apparently some are).
It is not his wife who has failed her son; it is his father who is trying so desperately hard to paint himself as the hero. He has taught his son that women exist to serve him, whether they need it or not, and has not even taken the time to encourage his son to take care of himself. This is how you raise an entitled brat who thinks the world revolves around him and thinks of no one but himself. How can he not see this?
“I took him to McDonalds to get a burger and fries at almost midnight.”
Oh, that explains it. It seems daddy doesn’t know how to cook anything either. Why bother learning when you have free slave-labor?
“And I think to myself, ‘Where was his mother all this time?’”
She’s out doing something for herself for once, making the reasonable assumption that the rest of you are able to survive for a few hours. So “selfish”!
“Ben is capable of making a sandwich, or a pizza, or some such, but he hasn’t and he shouldn’t have to. He has a mother, whom God himself has tasked with the keeping of her husband, her children, and her home.”
And why shouldn’t he have to? Are men gods? Is getting food for themselves beneath their dignity? Is it helpful to teach him ideas like this?
“On school days, I ask her if Ben has a lunch prepared for the next day, and she will tell me “No. He knows how to make his own lunch. He can go in kitchen and make a sandwich.” But I think, in the long run, when he’s an adult, wouldn’t he rather look back on his childhood and remember a mom that LOVED and CARED for him, and didn’t simply tell him to go forage in the kitchen for himself?”
If only his dad LOVED and CARED for him enough to prepare him for the real world instead of spoiling him to the point of making him helpless (not to mention preventing him from ever having a normal and fulfilling relationship with a woman). This man doesn’t understand love or his duty as a parent. Imagine thinking that a Mother doesn’t love her son because she doesn’t wait on him hand and foot!
“Wives are to be ‘keepers at home’ for this exact reason – to avoid this exact situation. This is the role God has ordained for wives, and laid out explicitly in scripture.”
If you think this is “laid out explicitly” in Scripture, I suppose you think Eph. 6:5 is an endorsement of slavery? Or, in that case, do you suddenly become interested in context, culture, and translation? And why do you ignore those same things when it comes to the supposed “roles” of women? Oh right, I know: it would mean you would have to help around the house and can’t order your wife around.
“I am considered anything from ‘old fashioned’ to outright ‘abusive’ if I bring these truths to light and tell her that I believe God expects us to work in the roles he has designated for each of us.”
Wow, I *can’t* imagine why you’re considered that way!
“And God has tasked wives with taking that providence that God has given the husband, whatever it is (and however much, or however little that may be) and taking that and using it frugally and wisely in running the home.”
“And had the administrator been home, my son would not have been begging table scraps from his older brother.”
That’s right, to him his wife is “the administrator.” How dare she expect her 12 year old son to make himself a sandwich?! Haven’t you read 1 Misogyny 2:18, which states that God wants only women to make the sandwiches???
What a drama queen! And yet, Lori posts it with all seriousness, letting it stand on its own and not even bothering to comment. And, as I mentioned, many in the comment section are wailing, tearing their clothes, and putting on sackcloth at the sad tale of the 12 year old boy whose mother no longer treats him like a helpless baby.
Who wants to bet if it had been a daughter, the dad wouldn’t have cared at all and would have wondered why she wasn’t making her own sandwiches years ago?
Link to the original blog: https://thetransformedwife.
*Note: In case anyone wonders, I do recognize that there are problems with the actions of the mother in this story, IF he is telling the truth. To constantly threaten to leave but never make clear whether she intends to do so is wrong, and to be gone all day without letting anyone know is at least insensitive. HOWEVER, we have only heard the author’s side of the story, and he has done everything possible to make me question the accuracy of his account. For this reason I have not commented on the behavior of his wife. Lori and her followers, however, have no problem ripping her apart without even bothering to consider another side to the story and uncritically accept this man’s account as truth, despite the obvious drama and exaggerations.
No comments:
Post a Comment