This blog was guest-written by Celina Eve. I'm not sure exactly who this is, but it seems to just be one of Lori's followers. She shares the advice she gives to new wives based on her 22 years of experience in marriage. There's a little wisdom and a whole lot of the worst possible advice.
Never say no to sex. It’s the glue that will bond you together through thick and thin. Even on the days where you’re not into it, put your husband’s needs above your own. You’ll be glad you did in the long run.
Never. Full stop. Not even "make sure you have sex regularly," or "don't withhold sex as a manipulative tactic", but simply "never say no." She allows for no exceptions. Not if you just gave birth, not if you just had surgery, not if you have a migraine, not if the baby woke up 12 times last night and you're exhausted. No, sex is not "the glue that will bond you together." Friendship, love, and respect are far better candidates than sex. Of course, these things are impossible in an intentionally imbalanced relationship in which your partner owns your body. If your marriage depends on sex to hold it together, this is a clear sign of deficiency in the relationship. I'm not saying sex isn't important, and to many people it is very important. But it is not the most important part of a marriage.
I would also add that this is a clear example of the one-sided nature of love and care in the type of marriage Lori wants everyone to have. It is a beautiful thing when two people put each other's needs above their own. But this is not what Celina is talking about here. She is saying only the wife should put her husband's needs above her own. This arrangement is designed precisely so that the husband puts his own needs at the top as well. Of course, it also must be said that no true loving husband would ever demand that his wife have sex with him whenever he wants. As much as Lori talks about why women should choose their husband "wisely," her advice drives them toward the self-centered, predatory type!
Before moving on, I should note that this is where those who tirelessly defend Lori would say here something like "obviously she doesn't literally mean 'never'" and claim that the words are being taken out of context. I'd love to see someone try to claim that here. It couldn't be more plain.
Take a humble place in your marriage and submit to your husband’s headship. Discuss things once and then then let him have the final say. Respect him. Build him up to others. Never tear him down. Be sweet towards him and hold your tongue. Pray daily for him and don’t argue with him.
"Headship", a phrase that cannot be found anywhere in the Bible. When Paul calls husbands the "head" of their wives, he specifically avoids the Greek word that means authority and instead uses one that implies coming alongside her and caring for her. But that doesn't stop these people from starting with their own idea of male authority and then *magically* finding it in the Bible.
This case is similar to the last one. Humility is good, but both spouses should have it. She advocates one-sided humility, one-sided respect. There is not a shred of biblical support for the idea that husbands should have the final word. And wives having the policy of sharing their opinion only once and then letting it go might seem to promote "harmony" and "efficiency", but all it really does is create dis-functionality and increase the risk of things going very wrong due to a bad decision. There is nothing about women that make them any less capable of making good decisions than men. Both must have an equal voice. And even in situation in which one clearly has more knowledge or experience than the other, though usually one ought to defer to the other, this doesn't mean they have a right to silence the other or claim some sort of authority that does not exist.
She goes on to include several other points, such as keeping the house clean and planting a garden. Of course, there's nothing wrong with these, except the (unbiblical) idea that the responsibility for these things falls on women alone. She also includes advice about keeping in-laws from interfering in your marriage in an inappropriate way, which is great. But the first two points completely ruin the rest.
She ends with the following:
Find an older godly woman who has a biblically healthy marriage and has raised a family. You’ll need a living example as a young wife yourself.
I can't believe it! Lori willingly published an argument against following her own teaching! Lori's ideas on marriage are anything but biblical; they are the centuries-old fantasies of men who thought they were God and that women exist to please them, and found a way (as so many have on so many topics) to twist the Bible to agree with their arrogant, selfish ideas. It is a true tragedy when anyone falls for this, especially women.
Link to the original blog: https://thetransformedwife.com/her-advice-to-a-new-wife/
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