"Last April, I made a video called Should Wives Have Sex With Their Husbands When They Don’t Feel Like It? It was viewed by many, and many were very angry with me and accused me of promoting marital rape because a woman wrote to me and told me her husband asked to have sex with her one night. She told him no but found him having sex with her in the middle of the night. She asked if this was considered marital rape."
We all remember this. Why is Lori bringing it up again, except to cause more controversy or get more views?
Before I even get to what Lori thinks, I'll state the obvious. Yes, this is marital rape. A marriage must be built on mutual respect, and this respect is especially important when it comes to each other's bodies. If one spouse wants sex and the other does not, no one has the right to forcibly take it from the other. How does this even need to be said? Even if one were to believe it is sinful for a wife to refuse her husband without a good reason (which, of course, it is not), this still does not give him the right to do such a thing. And any husband who respects his wife would not do such a thing. But, of course, I'm not even sure Lori thinks husbands ought to respect their wives in the first place.
Lori begins her answer with the following:
"I told her that no, this wasn’t considered marital rape. Marital rape is when a husband forces himself upon his wife on a frequent basis while drunk or high on drugs or is simply an abusive, mean man. If there is true marital rape, there is physical abuse that comes with it. Every woman who has told me that they were raped by their husbands, also told me that they were physically abused by their husbands. In this case, the authorities need to be called and the wife needs to be protected from her physically abusive husband."
Lori is not the one who gets to define marital rape. But her definition is interesting. She thinks it must happen "on a frequent basis" in order to qualify as rape. So if it's only once in a while, it's okay? Notice that she would also be the one to decide what "frequent" means, and likely would never consider anything to be so. No, rape is rape. It has nothing to do with how frequent it is. If it happens once, it's just as wrong as if it happens many times.
Note also it must be done by a drunk, high, or abusive man. In her mind, if it's done by a nice man, it's not rape and is totally okay. No, Lori: actions are actions no matter who does them. If anyone forces themselves on someone else sexually without consent, that's rape. I don't care who does it. And I would also say that anyone who does so is definitely not a nice man in the first place!
She proceeds to make a bunch of excuses, exceptions, and technicalities:
"He woke up in the middle of the night (maybe he wasn’t even fully awake, for all we know) and began having sex with his wife. What does this mean? Was he having full on intercourse with her or was he having foreplay with her? We don’t know. She didn’t tell me. If he was having full on intercourse with her, she must be a very deep sleeper but even if he was, I would never consider this marital rape."
"Maybe he wasn't even fully awake." She'll even go so far as to make up hypotheticals in order to remove any guilt from the man. And Lori knows good and well what "having sex" means. But suddenly she pretends ignorance and says "it could mean anything," again to protect the man. Having sex means having sex, even when you don't like the implications. "She didn't tell me if he was having full on intercourse with her"??? What did she want the lady to do, send her photos? And "she must be a very deep sleeper? Obviously not, because she woke up! How else would she know it had happened????
She then proceeds to try to bully this woman into keeping quiet by filling her with fear:
"Let’s say I told her that yes, this was marital rape. Then she would report it to the police in the morning. Her husband may be put in jail, then lose his job. He would have no means to support his family. He may even divorce her for considering him having sex with her one night as marital rape."
We have to notice what a low view of men Lori has, and yet she seems to see nothing wrong with them supposedly being that way. What kind of man divorces a woman because she asked for him not have sex with her in her sleep? Does she really think this is a normal kind of man? If the men who comment most frequently on her page are any indication, likely she really does think this is the way men are.
"So he divorces her and remarries. Her marriage is destroyed. She’s left alone to have to support herself and her children, if she has any, just because I told her that her husband was committing marital rape because he was having sex with her one time during the middle of the night. I won’t do this. I am in the business of restoring marriages and trying to make them better."
No, Lori, you're in the business of protecting sexual predators.
"I am sure there are many wives who would admit that their husbands have woken them up in the middle of the night trying to have sex with them. It’s not that big of a deal!"
Of course Lori doesn't think it's that big of a deal. She sees women as non-human possessions who literally exist only so men can do with them what they wish. But it certainly (and rightly) is a big deal to all women out there who know their worth and are mentally stable.
Not only is Lori victim-shaming and victim-blaming, but she is also actually trying to scare women in order to keep them quiet in order to protect the men who are committing these disgusting acts! She is nothing less than an accomplice to all such men. It's sick.
"Most husbands married because they want to have sex on a regular basis."
Again, it's so sad that this is how she actually thinks of men! And it's inexcusable that she thinks it's okay. Do I even need to say it? NO, men who are worth marrying DO NOT get married just to have sex on a regular basis! Maybe the men Lori prefers do, but certainly Godly men do not. Men who actually love their wives and view them as human beings with feelings and a personality and intelligence and talents and something to offer besides being a sack of meat certainly do not.
There is also a (not so) hidden underlying assumption in all this: that sex is primarily for the benefit of the husband. Would Lori similarly defend the wife's right to demand it from her husband whenever she wants? Almost certainly she would not? Once again, a loving husband recognizes that his wife's happiness and fulfillment is just as important as his own. How can she enjoy herself if she's asleep?
There is also a (not so) hidden underlying assumption in all this: that sex is primarily for the benefit of the husband. Would Lori similarly defend the wife's right to demand it from her husband whenever she wants? Almost certainly she would not? Once again, a loving husband recognizes that his wife's happiness and fulfillment is just as important as his own. How can she enjoy herself if she's asleep?
She closes with this thought:
"Be wise in the counsel you give to other women. Always fight for marriages rather than tear them down."
Somehow she believes telling women to cower in a corner and let men do whatever they want is fighting for marriages, while encouraging couples to have mutual respect and healthy boundaries and good communication is tearing them down. If Lori has never known anything different than abusive men who view women as slightly more inconvenient sex dolls, then she has my pity. But she has no excuse for spreading this poison to other women. This has to stop.
No comments:
Post a Comment